Watch where you're going!
by owlisharborium
Summary: In which all the kids, alpha and beta, go on a group trip to the local skating rink. Dirk and Jake get their gay on, Dave grumbles about the rough rental skates, and unfortunate shenanigans ensue. Part two coming soon! Featuring DirkJake, Grimdorks, DaveJade, and Cotton Candy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: [AUTHORING INTENSIFIES] HELLO EVERYONE YES HI. Here's a totally not depressing story for once! In which the kids all go roller skating together. No Sburb, as much as I love it.**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS HUSSIE'S KAY BYE**

This was the worst idea Dirk had ever agreed to. Ever. It was worse than the time he had let Roxy dress him up for prom. It was worse than when Karkat was forced into an Easter bunny costume.

It sucked.

He had never learned to skate. And he had known about this galavant for days. But what with his classes at the local college and planning a proposal for his amazing boyfriend Jake, he hadn't had time to quickly learn this week. Now, as the eight siblings and friends stood in line for rental skates (minus Rose and John, who frequently went to this rink and had their own blades) Dirk was beginning to pray for some miracle to happen. Then he dismissed those prayers. It made him sound too akin to Gamzee and that was never a good thing.

He glanced over at Jake through his shades. The green-eyed boy was smiling and bouncing lightly on his toes in excitement. He too turned to Dirk.

"Are you excited? I've been looking forward to this for ages! We can be cheesey again, for the irony of course, by holding hands and skating faster than all the little lads and ladies! It'll be excellent, don't you agree?"

That sounded lovely. Unfortunately, Dirk knew that was most certainly not how their evening would go. Nonetheless, he hadn't the heart to tell Jake no. It would probably hurt them in the long run, though. Quickly, he glanced around, deciding to distract Jake instead of answering him directly. A photo booth was next to the wall six feet or so away. An evil devious idea sprung into his brilliant mind.

"Hey, Jake, let's also get one of those camera strip things." He nodded towards the booth. Jake looked at it and then lit up like Christmas.

"By golly, that's a splendid idea, Strider! Jade, dear, would you hold our spots in line? We'll be just a second."

Jade laughed and eyed them knowingly. "Sure, Jake, I'm sure you will. Don't get up to too many shenanigans while you're in there, okay?"

Jake cocked a brow and was about to ask what she meant when Dirk pulled him by the arm and into the booth, quickly shutting the curtain behind him. "Strider, what are you-"

Oh, yes, he wouldn't be skating for a while.

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Still shaking with laughter, Jade shook her head and turned back towards Dave, who looked mildly grossed out.

"That was obscene, even for him."

Jade shrugged. "He's tactful, though!"

Dave couldn't argue with that.

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Meanwhile, on the rink, John and Rose were drawing many eyes towards them. They were the epitome of grace. A small content smile played around Rose's lips while John had his usual goofy grin. They twirled and spun and leaped from time to time, looking so perfect together it was enough to make anyone jealous. When one would stumble in their glide, the other would be there to steady them. They balanced each other out- John's wandering jubilance and Rose's restrained demeanor fit together like peanut butter and jelly.

Other things in other parts of the rink were fitting nicely, too. And it wasn't the skates on Dave's feet, that's for sure.

"These are ridiculous! I have sensitive feet that don't deserve this tightness," he complained as Jade laced them up for him.

She rolled her eyes. "I'll be sure to ask for the baby soft ones for your dainty little piggies next time."

Dave ignored the jab at his toes and scowled. "You should have done it this time!"

"Quit complaining, you big baby, and hold still so I can tie your stupid laces up!"

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They should screw drunk driving and make drunk skating illegal, thought Jane.

Roxy was smashed. This was disappointing. She had seemed to really get her crap together once Dirk and Jake got together. And especially stayed clean after her and Jane had started going out, too. So to see the strong willed blonde break for reasons still unknown was hurting Jane on the inside.

The giggling, the slurred words, the smell of alcohol- it was all painfully familiar. However, she decided to keep her feelings about this hidden until after they were away from everyone else and just enjoy herself.

Roxy didn't even seem to notice anything was wrong as she laughed again and pulled both Jane and herself onto their butts. Jane huffed. Good thing she decided to wear pants today instead of a skirt. Roxy stood up, wobbled, and fell on top of her increasingly agitated girlfriend. "Whoops," she hiccuped, then promptly passed out.

Jane was stuck between wanting to cry and scream. She shook the blonde a little, trying in vain to revive her, but it just wasn't gonna happen. She carefully got to her feet and dragged the other by her arms across the rink.

This proved to be a very bad idea, because just then John and Rose were speed skating towards them. Right into them, in fact.

"Oh no-"

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Dave wavered only a moment when he stood up in his skates. He was then knocked over as some of the employees of the rink raced past him in a herd, rushing onto the smooth wooden floor.

"Watch where you're going!" he shouted, wincing as Jade merely stifled a laugh and helped him up. They glanced over to the mass of people. All activity on the rink had been halted and Jade frowned.

"Is- is that-"

Well, it looked like this skate date was over.

**A/N: Part two coming very soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here is part two, as promised! And also I was supposed to get my phone today, but then I fucked up, and now I'm wondering if perhaps I need t be readmitted to the fucking mental hospital, but whatever. It didn't help the first time, it ain't gonna help the second. ALSO IT'S BEEN almost an entire year since I last cut myself. YAYYYYY. However, I have hurt myself in other ways since then. :( BUT it is a step in the right direction.**

**i HOPE you enjoy the story, as I think I'm done here. If anyone has any ideas I'm totally open to them! Just leave it in a review!**

**HUSSIE OWNS HOMESTUCK.**

"Ahhh- Dirk-"

"Shh, you don't want anyone to hear us, now do you?"

"No, but-"

"That's right, no butts. Do I have to silence you myself?"

"P-perhaps..."

Dirk grinned slyly- a look Jake loved to see in contrast to his usually emotionless countenance- and was just about to unleash his SECRET MOVE OF SEDUCTION when all of the sudden there was an awful lot of noise outside. Jake, who was suddenly snapped out of the sexy atmosphere and poked his head outside.

"Jesus Christ, Dirk, we need to go! There's an ambulance here! And.. I think it's for our comrades!"

"Dave?" Dirk's motherly instincts kicked in and swiftly he cleaned up a bit, straightening out his hair and clothes. "Come on."

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Luckily, Dave was unhurt, save for the bruise that would be prominent the next morning on his ass. He had been knocked over pretty hard and so was his pride. Dirk rolled his eyes as that particular part of the story was relayed to him in the car. Jade was driving. Dave was in passenger seat with Dirk and Jake in the back trying to suppress their awkward boners.

Apparently Jane had been trying to drag an unconscious Roxy off the rink, but had failed to notice the speeding John and Rose coming towards her. The result was a messy pile of limbs, and probably some broken bones too. The rest of the group was on their way to the hospital. It seemed as though no one was seriously hurt, because the sirens weren't blaring. Either that or someone was dead. Jake cast that thought from his mind.

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Jane FURIOUS. With all capital letters. Let's skip her point of view because it contains three hundred and sixty nine expletives too many for this particular shittastic fanfiction.

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Roxy was still unconscious. She probably wouldn't wake up for a while.

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John was worried. He didn't really care that he pretty much shattered his wrist and wouldn't be able to play the piano for a while. Rose was also unconscious and a small cut in her head probably needed stitches. He knew he was probably being paranoid and she'd be okay, but it was his job to worry. She was his girlfriend, after all. A brief thought flickered across his mind. This better not have been Vriska's doing. He had broken up with her months ago but damn did that bitch know how to hold a grudge. So far she'd spiked Rose's tea at a party which had caused her alcoholism to relapse, made her fall asleep in the middle of an important presentation (the result of which had gotten Rose fired) and been flirting nonstop with John.

If he was an animal his neck would have bristled. If Vriska had been behind this, John was throwing away his etiquette that usually came with not hitting a girl.

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Rose did wake up. She had twisted her ankle pretty badly and would be on crutches for a few weeks. That sucked. But she was cool with it, even after John oiced his suspicions to her.

"If she would sink that low, I hope she's hit rock bottom." was all she said.

John hoped so too.

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When Roxy awoke Jane was waiting with a Strider-worthy poker face. "Hey Janey...what happened?" the blonde yawned. Jane trembled in fury.

"Get your shit together and then we'll talk."

Then she turned on her heels and walked out, leaving a baffled Roxy behind.

"Was it something I said?"

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EPILOGUE:

The group never went skating again. Dirk and Jake were banned from the place after the security guard, who had been asleep when they were having fun in the photo booth, caught the footage of their heinous acts and reported it to the manager.

Vriska had mysteriously disappeared the day after the accident. No one knew where she had run off to.

"Probably went away with her tail between her legs." said Rose.

John hoped so.

Dave had a really bad bruise and couldn't sit down for a week. He looked like an idiot standing up all the time in class, but took it with Stride. Ain't no one making fun of his swag.

Jane still hadn't talked to Roxy, even after the latter finally got the story from Dirk (she didn't remember anything) and apologized multiple times to the cerulean eyed girl. It seemed like they were over.

"I screwed up once! ONCE! And she just leaves?" said Roxy, pouting. Dirk patted her back awkwardly.

"I think she's testing you. See if you can manage without her for a while; you know, don't drink."

And Roxy didn't drink.

And Vriska didn't come back. And the security guard wanted to bleach his eyes very badly.

THE END


End file.
